All Couples Should Avoid These 10 Gay Relationship Mistakes

All Couples Should Avoid These 10 Gay Relationship Mistakes

By Rick Clemons

Before I open my mouth and put my foot, before I get all you gay guys heated up, I have to say: I don’t believe in irreversible mistakes. I also think that everything occurs for a reason. Mistakes, according to my own designer gay bifocals, are actually fantastic lessons we’ve been given so that we may better perceive the meaning in our life! Is it too much? If you’re not interested in personal growth, leave us cool kids here to talk about…

10 Gay Relationship Mistakes

Open Relationships.  Define the term “open”! The way you and your guy define “open gay relationship,” determines whether you and your guy royally mess it up or expertly make things work. It’s all about boundaries and agreements, which should be checked and discussed every 3-6 months. The mistake? There are no boundaries, no agreements, and no relationships… period! Next!

Whether to cling or not to cling. Nothing is more awkward than walking out of the men’s locker room into the gym’s free weights area with a trail of toilet paper clinging to your sneaker. That is not true. It’s actually more embarrassing in a gay relationship to be overly clingy or not clingy enough. They say it’s challenging to get a gay gay guy commit. What’s more difficult is the “cling on” effect. The mistake?  Not finding a happy medium between “to cling or not to cling.”

Saying something, meaning nothing.  If you’re confused by this concept, you’re suffering from this syndrome. Your gay relationship is on shaky ground if you communicate by assuming you said something clearly and then later discovering that what you said meant nothing! Hello, and welcome to “Gay Relationship Rescue Plan No. 1”: speak to communicate, listen to learn, and validate what you think you heard. The mistake?  Assuming your guy heard what you said. And, no, removing earwax isn’t going to help.

Staying in your gay relationship because it’s convenient. Here’s a small secret that we’ll keep to ourselves! If the relationship sucks, it sucks no matter how much money he has, how many party favors available, “to die for sex”, or how big his loft apartment on 5th Avenue is. If it sucks, it sucks. It’s a false feeling of comfort to assume that “If I leave, I’ll be single and that’s bad.” Yes, you will be single and without his money, party favors, or great sex. But you could be happier, and isn’t that what you truly want? The mistake?  Making a false feeling of comfort by believing you need people to be “worthy” when all you need is love… self-love, to be exact.

No hall passes allowed. Remember how you worried about, well, “having an accident” because Ms. Applebaum wouldn’t give you the hall pass until you calculated the square root of 64 or recited the Gettysburg Address? If you and your partner exchange hall passes, you can find yourself with the restroom to yourself. You should both feel free to do your own thing with your own set of friends, but don’t complicate matters any more than necessary. The mistake? With a one-way rail ticket to “Distrustville,” you are sucking the life out of your gay relationship. If you mistrust me once, you will regret it. Trust me twice, and I’ll see you later!

Separate lives. I’ve never understood gay relationships in which the partners are committed to one another yet do not live together. I’m not encouraging first date, U-Haul truck, move-in immediately, white picket fence warp-speed relationships, and I recognize that problems come up from time to time, such as the question of “How would I hook up with other people if we’re living together?” If that’s your first priority, perhaps it’s time to reconsider the entire “relationship” thing.   What other relationships in your life are you unable to live with if you can’t live with your guy? How you do anything is how you do everything!

It’s just to make friends. Apps have taken over our entire lives. I can’t live without the app that alerts me when there are just four squares of toilet paper left on the roll; it saves me from some awkward situations. I also hear of more and more gay men, like myself, using gay-specific apps like Grindr, Scruff, and others to make friends and network. Honestly. The mistake?  Not calling a spade a spade. If you can’t be completely honest about your app obsession in your gay relationship, your gay relationship won’t be honest with you!

Regular testing. As someone who has been in a gay relationship for over 12 years, I understand the need of being tested on a regular basis — and so does my man. Every healthy gay relationship is challenged, otherwise it isn’t a healthy gay relationship. We press buttons, neglect needs, and believe we are the only ones who do not receive the attention we seek. The mistake?  Assuming your gay relationship is above being tested. Test, test, test, or the relationship may be over. Of course, you should test out of love for yourself, for him, and for the sake of the relationship.

Avoiding money talks. We’re not immune to having “money talks” just because we’re gay. If you can’t talk about the big issues, the rest of the talks are meaningless. Not that money is everything, but when you start scrutinizing your water bill based on who was home the most on certain days of the month, it may be time to have a real conversation. ? Nickel and diming each other’s spending patterns, rather than trusting that a real conversation about the health of our finances would result in more cash in the love bank!

Zipping it about sex! Shhh; let’s not talk about sex. Really? Gay men are meant to be the sex kings. Talking about sex appears to be everyone’s pet peeve, especially in gay relationships. The mistake?  What isn’t discussed doesn’t get done… how much fun is that?  (Answer: not very).

I’m sure you have your own list of “mistakes” you’ve made, foresee making, or refuse to accept you’ve made in your gay relationship path. But keep in mind that there are no mistakes, simply purposeful lessons that we all learn as we live, learn, and grow. Now go find your guy, smooch him, smack him on his adorable butt, and tell him you love him. He may wonder what’s gotten into you, but he’ll be relieved to know that he can still turn your crank. Hop to it!

 

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